As I stepped into my third trimester who would have known how bittersweet this pregnancy would feel. I found myself questioning… Am I suffering from depression during pregnancy? I decided to publish this post after another episode of losing control of my feelings. I hope it helps at least one Mother to reach out for the help that she may be needing right now.
From The Heart
5.30am and I am laying awake crying. In the spare room. Alone.
My 6-year-old Daughter is sound asleep in her bed and I am feeling guilty about bringing another baby into the family. At 7 months pregnant why am I not celebrating with joy that Olivia is finally going to get a sibling and one that we have longed for.
My Husband is in bed in our new room, light and airy, modern and transformed to my liking to enable me a peaceful and restful environment. Truth is that although the bedroom has been ready for weeks now, I’ve just wanted to be alone in the spare room. Wanting the rest, alone time and space. Or is it an excuse? Is there something deeper going on?
My Husband cannot do anything right and I know that I am isolating myself from our marriage. A marriage and household that has always been so happy and firm is falling apart before my eyes. And he’s trying and trying yet nothing is good enough for me. I am angry one week and tearful the next.
Some days I feel on top of the world, yet some days I feel totally out of control and unprepared for the new arrival. My baby is a girl. I already have a girl that I am so in love with so why do I not feel the overwhelming emotions of welcoming another one. I know I am a good mum with so much love to give but this pregnancy has left me questioning whether I have enough energy and love to share amongst everyone. I am tired, emotionally rather than physically and some evenings when everyone is in bed, I allow myself to fall apart and cry.