*My blog is an online portfolio but also an outlet for my feelings at this difficult time. I lost my Mum just over a year ago and by sharing my feelings on my page is helping me through the grieving process •
Today I woke up sad. I was instantly annoyed at the fact that I rarely have time to gather my thoughts. I wouldn’t change being a wife and Mother for the world and I am extremely lucky to have a beautiful healthy family.
But I am still grieving for my Mother.
Mum’s birthday is coming up, then Mothers day will be here before we know it and I can’t help feeling a surge of sadness. This morning the grief was overwhelming. I argued with my Daughter and we both left each other at the school gates in tears. I drove home through blurry eyes and instantly felt like the world’s worst Mum. Was she really pushing boundaries this morning or am I taking my mood out on her?
As soon as I got through the front door I dropped to my knees and cried long hard tears. The type I cried the morning my Mum died in our arms. when your breath is literally sucked to the bottom of your heart and it feels like your arteries are going to split into two from raw heartache. The relationship I had with my Mum was never a part time one, it was never just for the sake of it. My Mum was my world and I adored the ground she walked on. I was her baby and she was my comfort blanket.
Tomorrow is a different day and until then I know that I have to face the fact that I am in for a day of flowing tears and mixed emotions. Grief is an emotion that cannot be controlled and it can hit you like a ton of bricks when you are least expecting it. It is so important to find the time to express your feelings or even have an outlet for your grief. Mine is usually gardening, however with the weather at its worst recently there has been no chance of potting up seeds in the sunshine.
If you are experiencing the grieving process then maybe my advice below may contribute to helping you through just a little. And maybe I should take the time to take my own advice!
- Don’t try to suppress your thoughts, feelings, and memories. Research shows a rebound effect; the harder you try to suppress thoughts, the more they flood your mind.
- Take time to acknowledge and release your feelings. Relief can come from indulgence if you remain open to replacing the negative emotions with more positive ones.
- Remember that the relationship you enjoyed will always be part of who you are. You can keep the one you love alive in your memories and in your respect for qualities you admired in them.
- Remember that you are not alone.
Thanks for joining me today.