My friend messaged me this morning and asked me how I was feeling. Fine i said, happy that Olivia had gotten off to school without any tears, relieved for a day to myself to get some work done. But deep down i am not fine. Its been a tearful week and it seems as though ive been thinking about my Mum constantly. Sometimes i don’t know how i could possibly ever miss her any more than i do.
Today is my Daughters first day at school and I am missing her being at home but I am not sad for that reason.
I am delighted that she ran happily into her new school and accepted her peers willingly. I am proud of her.
I am sad that my Mum is not here to see her off to her new school. My mum was here last year on her first day of nursery and checked over her new school uniform and smiled at her new shoes. We called her in the afternoon to tell her all about Olivia’s first day.
And now – just like that. She’s not here.
Not here to see how grown up her youngest grandchild has become, not here to text the pictures to. Not on the other end of the phone.
When Olivia was at nursery I would rush over to mums and have a quick fun filled hour with her. We would whizz around the garden center or pop to tesco’s and plan our days for when Olivia started school full time. We could spend days at the shops,lunching,talking and having her all to myself.
But she’s not here. So today I am feeling very sad but for all the wrong reasons.
Days like this are the days that I miss my Mum just that bit more.